Rain lashed against my tent like angry coins tossed by the gods of misfortune. Somewhere above 8,000 feet in the Rockies, with zero cell service for hours, I’d stupidly forgotten the crypto bloodbath scheduled for tonight. Elon Musk’s latest tweetstorm had dropped Bitcoin 18% in three hours—and my entire savings danced on that knife’s edge. When I finally scrambled to a ridge with one bar of signal, my hands shook so violently I nearly sent my phone tumbling into the abyss. Five exchange apps de
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