modern spirituality 2025-11-13T00:09:55Z

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That humid Thursday evening still burns in my memory - sweat beading on my forehead as I stumbled over حروف مقطعة, those mysterious disjointed letters opening Surah Maryam. My tongue felt like foreign territory, betraying me at every guttural 'ghayn' and throaty 'kha'. The more I tried, the farther Allah's words seemed to retreat behind my clumsy articulation. I'd close the mushaf with trembling hands, haunted by the irony: holding divine revelation yet feeling spiritually starved.

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My screaming infant's cries sliced through the 3am silence, raw and jagged like broken glass. I stumbled toward the nursery, bare feet slapping cold hardwood, shoulders slumped under invisible weights. For seven weeks, spiritual nourishment felt as distant as uninterrupted sleep - my well-worn rosary beads gathering dust while diaper changes devoured prayer time. Exhaustion had become my altar, and I knelt before it daily.

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