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Rain lashed against my Brooklyn windows last Tuesday, the kind of downpour that turns fire escapes into waterfalls and amplifies every creak in this old apartment. I'd just finished another endless Zoom call strategizing influencer campaigns – my ninth that day – and the silence afterward felt heavier than the storm outside. That's when my phone buzzed with a notification from Marco, my Italian colleague: "Get on Buzz. Sofia's live from Lisbon fado cellar RIGHT NOW."

That voicemail still echoes in my nightmares. My friend's voice cracked like thin ice as he described watching six figures evaporate during his morning coffee - some faceless entity draining his Ethereum wallet while he stirred creamer. As a blockchain architect managing seven-figure team treasuries, the horror vibrated through my bones. Suddenly every shadowed corner of the internet felt like a sniper's nest. I'd lie awake at 3 AM mentally auditing our security protocols, the glow of my phone s

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