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My cousin's vows echoed through the rustic barn as I discreetly wiped sweaty palms on my suit trousers. Outside, drizzle blurred the Yorkshire hills where 4G signals went to die. Manchester United faced City in the derby decider – a match years in the brewing, now unfolding precisely during this cursed wedding ceremony. Earlier attempts to stream had dissolved into pixelated frustration, each buffering wheel tightening the knot in my stomach. Then I remembered Sportsnet's offline mode, a feature

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The metallic taste of panic still lingers from that Wednesday night at the pub. Half-drunk lager forgotten as mates dissected Everton's backline reorganization like battlefield generals. My throat tightened when Mark casually mentioned that "obvious structural shift" - news to me, delivered with the crushing finality of a VAR decision. That hollow-chested feeling of being the fraud in football conversations? My constant companion until The Athletic rewired my relationship with the beautiful game

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