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That cursed calendar notification blinked like a judgmental eye – "Charity Gala: TOMORROW." My stomach dropped through the floorboards. There I stood, clutching cheap chardonnay in yesterday's sweatpants, facing a closet screaming emptiness. Scattered browser tabs mocked me: out-of-stock cocktail dresses, shipping estimates longer than my patience, sizing charts written in hieroglyphs. Desperation tasted metallic as I thumbed through my phone, praying for retail salvation.

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