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Rain lashed against my apartment windows as the clock struck 1 AM, the kind of storm that makes you feel utterly alone in the world. That's when my phone buzzed with a cruel reminder: "Sophie's birthday TODAY." My stomach dropped like I'd missed the last step on a staircase. Sophie – my goddaughter who'd moved to London last year – and I'd promised something special. Not some generic e-card with dancing cupcakes. Something that screamed "I remember every inside joke about your pet hedgehog."

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The crumpled Tupperware stared back at me like an edible tombstone. Inside, iceberg lettuce wept under a deluge of vinegar, flanked by dry chicken strips that tasted like cardboard marinated in regret. My kitchen counter had become a graveyard of good intentions – twelve identical containers mocking my fading willpower. That's when my phone buzzed with Sarah's message: "Tried CaloCalo yet? It's like having Gordon Ramsay as your personal nutritionist." I snorted. Another gimmick. But as I scraped

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