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That godforsaken Thursday still haunts me. Three espresso shots deep, staring at Excel sheets bleeding into each other like abstract art gone wrong. My latest webinar launch was imploding live – PayPal notifications screamed success while Stripe lay ominously silent. Affiliate commissions? Buried under 17 browser tabs. My mouse hovered over the "refund all" button when a Slack thread flashed: "Try Monetizze before you combust." The Descent Into Platform Purgatory