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Sweat trickled down my neck as I stood frozen on Alexanderplatz, the U-Bahn map swirling into incomprehensible hieroglyphics. A woman's rapid-fire German questions about directions to Mauerpark might as well have been alien transmissions - each guttural consonant hammered my confidence into dust. That humid afternoon humiliation birthed a desperate pact: either master basic German or never leave my Airbnb again. When a polyglot friend smirked, "Try Hippocards before you become Berlin's newest la