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The champagne flutes chimed like nervous crickets as Aunt Margret droned about floral arrangements. My knuckles whitened around the linen napkin – 87th minute in Istanbul, and I was trapped at this velvet-roped wedding hell. Sweat trickled down my collar as phantom crowd roars echoed in my skull. Then, a discreet buzz in my pocket. Live Football Scores delivered the verdict before my cousin's vapid toast ended: "GOAL - Orhan 89' - 3-2". My stifled gasp fogged the silverware.

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